Awaiting Summer

I am trying to be patient....really I am.  I really want summer to be here.  NOW!  Not the hot weather, or even the lazy days....but being a mom is what I long for.   I am ready for a break from work.   The routine of being home with my child....cooking, playing, even cleaing....playgroups, trips to the beach and zoo, visits with friends and family, the pool.....I am looking so forward to all of it.  I am excited it is coming.  I am enjoying the last (long as they may be) weeks of school.  Thrilled at the possibility of what this summer will bring.  I am feeling like a big change is coming! 

Are You Happy?

I love this......

Changing The Channel

I have to admit that over the last few days I have been feeling very blah....kind of like I was stuck in a rut.  Maybe it is because it has been hard to get out and about with all of the snow on the ground, or maybe because of the long hours I have been working, or maybe something I am just not recognizing.  Whatever the case, I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  I just didn't feel.....good.   I could tell myself that I was grateful for many things but tiredness had overcome me.  I felt like I was literally stuck in a rut.  Until.....yesterday.   Sure, small things have been materializing that I need and want....just not the major things.  I decided to listen to the first disc of 'The Secret' again.  I hadn't listened to it in quite awhile and what I heard explained it all.  I was most definitely stuck in a rut.  Tuned into a different channel or frequency.  My thoughts were focusing on all kinds of things and I was not tuned into me.  I was letting outside circumstances and disappointment seep in.  After listening to the disc in the car, it  sounded like it was made for me to hear in that exact moment.  Of course!  Isn't that the way it always seems to work?  I just needed to change the channel in my mind. It was that easy, just the flick of the thought switch.  Now I am tuned into channel one, which on my dial is on demand.....the show: Positivity.  I can access it anytime I need or want to!  The episode (my favorite): Thinking about what I do want instead of what I don't. 

I really am thankful for the good things are people that have come into my life recently.  An old friend and a new baby, a carseat we desperately needed, supportive friends.  I am indeed very very blessed.

And now, a little comerical break, a beautiful quote:

"Doubt slips in and when it does, I am thankful that God and the universe is working in perfect order and am grateful for these funds....and so it is."                                                                 Frank Colvin

And now back to scheduled programming.  Positive Thinking!

What We Have

After showing my 8th grade class the video 'War Dance' (the story of Ugandan children placed in a refugee camp after being displaced from thier homes or orphaned by the Ugandan cival war) I wonderd when something was so serverly wrong and negative, how much does it take for one to be able to overcome?  For many of us, we stress over meager things.  Yes we have disease and death and poverty in our own country and I agree that we should be reaching out to those who are less fortunate and in need, but this film was such a reminder to me that I am so blessed to be living the life in the country that I am.  I am so grateful to have been born into a free and generally safe country.  Even though my family struggled greatly with money and fell into the category of the "disfunctional" 80% of American families, I never ever had to worry for my safety.  I never needed to worry about someone coming into to my community or home and brutalizing myself or loved ones.  As much as I have focused on and tried to deal with my difficult childhood and past unpleasant experiences I never had to deal with what many many people world wide are going through and living as their daily life.  Obvious to me now, and in my opinion, it is human nature to be consumed with yourself and your own problems.  It is a mindset that we are raised with.  In this film, the students of the school at the refugee camp expressed thier feeling about music and how important and inspiring it was to them in their daily life.  They beleived that it took their pain away and as a result for the present moment of creating music, it did.  Music was able to transport them to another place.  A spirtual and whole place where beauty and community and harmony resides.  Music was part of their secret.  Even though the pain is so severe in this place, there still lies hope, inspiration, love and joy.  It is an intrinsic feeling of actually creating something beautiful as a harmonious community.  Not a superfical joy of do I have the newest ipod to play my music on.  A line that I love from the film from a 13 year old girl was "even though we live in war country we still have good to give."  I think to myself that if this girl can have that outlook after losing both of her parents, her siblings and her home, I should have that outlook.  I pray for, and bless all of the people in Uganda and around the world who have expierenced brutality and evil and also the ones who are inflicting it, often times not even of thier own free will.  I wish joy and peace for them.  Even though there are so many things that can potentially be wrong with our lives, I am reminded that there is so much beauty in the seemingly small things that I take advantage of.  I am so appreciative to have music in my life daily.  I am thankful for the abundanace of love and peace that I am able to feel today.  I am thankful for the gift of compassion that this film has given to some of my students.  I am thankful for this day!

Secret Wordle

Someone showed me a website called wordle.net a long time ago where you could tag words from your webpage and those words would make a neat design.  I think these words have so much meaning all their own.  Together, yet separate.  There is beauty in this random design.  And I feel this beauty and meaning so completely in looking at this.  These words came from me.  They are me.  They were and still are an inspiration to me.

I am abundantly blessed with inspiration, love and gratefulness.

Are You Ready?

As I was talking to my Mother a few weeks ago about my dreams and hopes for the future, before she even knew of 'the secret' she made a comment that has stuck with me.  I was discussing my desire to move into a new house and stated how I didn't want to look at million dollar homes, just ones that I felt were attainable.  She said "you just probably aren't ready for a million dollar home".  After thinking a lot about that statement, it becomes clearer every single day.  With the wonderful thoughts of living in a grand house with lots of land also for me comes the vison of all that I would need to do and have to maintain the property.  She is right....I am not ready for it...on many levels.  I am not fully able to believe that it is what I want.  Probably because it isn't.  I have become very humbled lately focusing on what I am truly thankful and grateful for.  When I have moments of anger and frustration it is getting much easier to let them go and focus on something positive and they generally resolve themselves quickly.  I am finding that I no longer want millions of dollars and a huge mansion (I really can't even imagine what kind of life that would be either).  What I really want is to be in a home that I feel truly happy in.  A home that I can enjoy with my family.  A home that we can grow in and play in.  A home that we can LIVE in with joy.  (It is not a coincidence that my husband and I agree on the exact house and have found it.)  I wasn't ready to truly set the intention because I was not really sure why I wanted what I wanted.  I also wasn't willing to give up on the how.  When I would think about the house I would go over all of the possible scenarios of how it could happen and then sqaush them to save myself the dissapointment.  And, what do I feel anyway?  Disappointment.  I am ready to finally believe that I deserve to be happy and live in our dream house.  I am ready to set the intention to live there.  I am leaving the how up to God and the universe. 

I am grateful for this day that I have to attract so much abundance and blessing. 

I am so grateful that I am already abundantly blessed with my wonderful family and friends.

I am so grateful that I feel love and peace towards people.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to record these feelings here and remind myself daily that I hold the key to my life.

Love

Love!  How appropriate for Valentines Day!  It really is the best feeling in the world.  To love someone and to be loved in return.  Wouldn't it be great if we could just bottle up that feeling of complete and unconditional love and open it up when ever we needed it?  The kind of love you feel when your spouse does something completely selfless for you.  The feeling of really laughing together or hearing your baby laugh.  The feeling of your baby falling asleep on your chest.  The kind of love our dog shows us always?  The kind of love that brings tears to your eyes and makes you want to burst!  When I am feeling angry and unloved it is hard to move beyond the negative,  I will open up that bottle of pure love and "feel the love."  Love is the ultimate feeling of goodness.  Feeling love helps to attract what is wanted!  I want to feel love everyday, both recieved and given.

I am so grateful to be loved!